Fred D Knapp & Son Funeral Home
About Us
As the longest running funeral home in Greenwich, our historic funeral home has helped thousands of families through the most difficult time of their lives. Over the years we have had the privilege of serving many Heads of State, United Nations Ambassadors, Dignitaries, Royalty of many nations, members of the arts and entertainment world, and families from all walks of life.
When they called our funeral home, we activated an entire team of dedicated, compassionate and experienced professionals. Our team of directors is committed to fulfilling all of your requests and to ensure your choice is befitting to your loved one, and we strive to celebrate their life in a personal and meaningful way.
We are the only funeral home in Greenwich to offer the most informative website that focuses on customer care. Here you can learn about the benefits of Advanced Planning, Cremation Options and its process, Shipping, Veteran Information, Social Security, and Title 19, just to name a few.
Take your time and read through our site and we encourage you to contact us should you have any questions about the services that we can provide to you and your family. We thank you for visiting our web site.
IF A DEATH HAS OCCURED, CONTACT US DIRECTLY AT 203-869-0315. WE ARE AVAILABLE 24 HOURS.
Obituaries
Recent Obituaries
Van Houten, Marie
April 29, 2013
Marie Van Houten
April 29, 2013
Marie R. Van Houten, 87, of Greenwich passed away on April 29, 2013. She was born to the late Henry M. and Margaret Regan, July 17, 1925, in Newark, NJ. Marie graduated from Spring Garden School, Nutley; Our Lady of Good Counsel, Newark; and she received a BA in Home Economics from St. Elizabeth’s College, Convent Station, NJ in 1947. She married Leonard E. Van Houten on December 27, 1947 (65 years), and they lived together in Kinnelon and Montclair, NJ, prior to Greenwich. Marie taught Home Economics in Newark, NJ, volunteered at The Nathanial Witherell for 25 years, and was a member of the Third Order of St. Francis. She enjoyed gardening, crafts such as arranging flowers and caning chairs, all babies, and family gatherings. Marie is survived by her husband, Leonard; her sister, Jane R. Larkin of West Orange, NJ; and two children: Elizabeth M. Van Houten of Westbrook, CT, and San Francisco; and Peter J. Van Houten of New Milford, CT. She was predeceased by her daughter, Mary. Viewing will be 2-5 p.m. Sunday at Knapp Funeral Home, 267 Greenwich Ave. A funeral Mass will be held at 11:30 a.m. Monday at St. Mary Parish, 178 Greenwich Ave. A private burial will take place the following day at Mount Calvary Cemetery, Butler, NJ.
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Franco, Rose
April 19, 2013
Rose Franco
April 19, 2013
Rose M. Franco, 85, of Greenwich, Conn., died peacefully at home on Friday, April 19. She was a life-long Greenwich resident, and a devoted church volunteer. Born in Greenwich, Conn. on November 2, 1927, Rose was the eldest child to Frank and Theresa Franco. She graduated from the original Greenwich High School, now Town Hall, and the College of New Rochelle where she spent her senior year studying at The Sorbonne in Paris, France. Later she’d receive a Master of Arts degree from Teachers College of Columbia University, an early sign of Rose’s devotion to education and volunteerism. Over her more than 50 year career Rose held a range of administrative positions at institutions she believed in. First, she worked with the United Nations, then with the book publishing houses of HarperCollins, and W.W. Norton and Co., working with accomplished editor, Evan W. Thomas II on notable works including a leading biography on JFK for which she was given a special credit. While literature and learning were Rose’s passion, the church and her family were her life. For decades, Rose’s work with St. Mary Church on Greenwich Avenue made her a beloved fixture among the parishioners and church leadership. Her lifelong contribution was truly inspiring. She served as President of the Ladies Guild, as lector, and as Eucharistic minister. But, Rose’s friends recall her tireless volunteer hours and fundraising efforts which have significantly enriched the church community she so loved. Her service continued as a longtime member of the Greenwich Council of Catholic Women. She was also an active volunteer with the American Red Cross in Greenwich. Rose will most be remembered by her family as a loving and devoted aunt, always ready to share her favorites pastimes and passions. From afternoons at the Symphony to trips to her beloved Island Beach, they were occasions with “Aunt Rose” to be cherished by generations. While her contributions were many, Rose’s favorite gift to her nieces and nephews were simply the eight Christmas stockings she prepared every year, carefully packed with just the right treats for every one. Rose was predeceased by her parents, her brother, Michael F. Franco, sister, Regina Franco Kriskey, and niece, Christine Franco. She is survived by, her sister-in-law, Mary Jane Franco, her brother-in-law, Richard F. Kriskey, six nieces, one nephew, four grandnieces and ten grandnephews. The family will receive friends on Sunday, April 21, from 4:00 until 8:00 p.m. at Fred D. Knapp & Son Funeral Home, 267 Greenwich Avenue, Greenwich, Conn. 06830. A memorial Mass will be held on Monday, April 22 at 10 a.m. at St. Mary Church, 178 Greenwich Avenue, Greenwich, Conn, 06830. Memorial contributions may be made to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, Donor Services, 372 Danbury Road, Wilton, CT 06897, www.lls.org or The Lustgarten Foundation for Pancreatic Cancer Research, 1111 Stewart Avenue, Bethpage, NY 11714, www.lustgarten.org.
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Kovach, Evelyn
March 9, 2013
Evelyn Kovach
March 9, 2013
Kovach, Evelyn Evelyn M. Kovach, loving mother and wife of the late John G. Kovach Sr. Departed from this world after a courageous battle with cancer, surrounded by her family on Saturday March 9th 2013. Born in the Bronx, NY on February 15, 1932. She was a longtime resident of Greenwich. Evelyn was a graduate of Greenwich High School. She studied journalism and enjoyed poetry. Evelyn was an extremely strong and loving person, never turning her back on anyone. Her family was her true life. One of her greatest joys in life was teaching her grandchildren to cook and bake. She was a fantastic mother and a loving person. All will miss her. She was predeceased by the love of her life John G. Kovach Sr. She is survived by her 5 children, John G. Kovach Jr, Linda Kovach, Richard Kovach, David Kovach, and Steven Kovach. Her grandchildren, Crystal, Jennifer, Becka, Login, and Robert John Kovach. She was the most wonderful person anyone could hope to know. Our heartfelt thanks go out to the staff at Stamford Hospital 2 North and 3 North who gave her the most gentle and compassionate care anyone could hope for THANK YOU. We all miss her dearly. Friends may call at the Fred D. Knapp & Son Funeral Home, 267 Greenwich Ave. Greenwich, from 4:00 to 8:00 P.M. on Thursday, March 14, 2013. Memorial contributions may be made to the American Red Cross, 99 Indian Field Road, Greenwich, CT 06830
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Garde, Harriet
February 27, 2013
Harriet Garde
February 27, 2013
Harriet Merritt Dixon Garde died peacefully in her home in Greenwich, CT at the age of 83. She was born in Loudonville, NY and raised in Hewlett, LI. She graduated from Miss Porter’s School '47 and Columbia Teachers College, becoming a teacher at the Spence School in NYC and Lawrence School in Hewlett. She lived in Lawrence, then Locust Valley, NY. A dedicated and gifted athlete all her life, she played for the LI Women’s Field Hockey Association. She excelled in club sports, particularly in squash doubles and golf. At the Rockaway Hunt Club she was a ten time women's golf champion. She was a long standing member of the Women's Long Island Golf Association where she served as Membership Chair, as well as being a lifelong member of the Metropolitan Women's Golf Association. She was predeceased by her first husband of 24 years, Lawrence Howland Dixon, a NYC commodities broker with Farr Man. She was also predeceased by her second husband, John F. Garde Jr. She is survived by her daughters, Wendy Dixon Fog of New Canaan, Ct and Meredith Dixon Finan of Greenwich and NJ, and her grandchildren Merritt and Courtney Fog and Austin, Peter and Hallie Finan. Services will be held at Woodlawn Cemetery in Bronx, NY in early May. In lieu of flowers the family requests donations be made to Visiting Nurse Association of LI in Garden City,NY or The Breast Cancer Research Foundation.
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Murphy, Mildred
February 16, 2013
Mildred Murphy
February 16, 2013
Mildred “Millie” Murphy, 80, passed away peacefully with family by her side on Saturday, February 16. Millie enjoyed 40 years as a successful realtor in the Greenwich area operating her own firm, Millie Murphy Realtor. Millie leaves a daughter, Terry (Deb) of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Kathleen (Steve) Degrenier of Sarasota, Florida, and a son, Patrick of Amherst, Massachusetts and Los Angeles, California. She is also survived by her former husband, Pat Murphy of Bradenton, Florida; two grandsons, Alex and Andre DeGrenier of Sarasota, Florida; sister, Jean Claassens of Sonoma, California; an uncle, George Baptiste of San Leandro, California; and cousins in California and Sweden. Millie was born on October 8, 1932 in Shanghai, China to a Portuguese mother, Olga Blackmon and an American father, Clifford Blackmon. In 1948, with the communist takeover of China, Millie's family had to flee and she was sent to live with her father in Southern California. She made the trip alone as a 16-year-old on the U.S.S. Repose, a navy hospital ship bound for San Diego with 300 Americans who were fleeing their foreign home. Millie thought the trip a grand adventure. After high school, she moved to Washington D.C. enjoying working as a secretary for various embassies and U.S. News and World Report.. There, she met Pat Murphy, whose nonprofit work took him to Africa. Millie set up house in Accra, Ghana and Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania, raising the couple's two young daughters and engaging in cooperative projects with both the African and expatriate community during the exciting era when many African countries were gaining their independence. After five years, Pat's work took the family back to the U.S. and they lived in Washington, D.C. and then in Greenwich, which Millie loved and called home for nearly fifty years. In addition to her passion for the real estate business, Millie loved summers at Greenwich Point; finding everything from the world in the restaurants and shops of Greenwich; and trips to New York for shopping, a great meal, and a Broadway show. Arrangements are being handled by Fred D. Knapp & Son Funeral Home of Greenwich. The family will hold a private celebration of life at a later date. Contributions in Millie's memory may be made to the Dystonia Medical Research Foundation, One East Wacker Drive, Suite 2810 Chicago, Illinois 60601.
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Tortora, Alice
February 14, 2013
Alice Tortora
February 14, 2013
Alice (Bette) Tortora, 88, passed away on Feb.14,2013 at the Inn at the Watermark in Bridgeport where she had been living since November. She was born on Aug.3, 1924 in Bridgeport to Dr. Francis P. and Mary C. Carroll. Bette grew up in Fairfield with her three sisters, Mary, Helen (Pizzo) and Patricia. All have predeceased her. She graduated from Laurelton Hall in Milford, Ct., where her fierce intelligence and desire to help others took root and remained a strong motivator throughout her life. In 1945 she graduated from the College of New Rochelle and received her MS degree from Fordham University. She taught history, worked for the VA and served on the staffs of the Mental Hygiene Clinic in N.Y., the Fairfield Service Society and the Darien Counseling Service before turning to private practice as a psychiatric social worker. In 1965 she married Dr. Michael Tortora of Greenwich and became grandmother to her stepson Peter and Judy's three boys, Michael Joseph, Peter Christopher and Kyle Robert. Bette and Michael loved entertaining, especially at their retreat in Biddeford Pool, Me., to where they fled every weekend each Summer with nephews, nieces, friends and other family. Travel was also a priority for them and Bette began to study Italian and Spanish, which she continued until shortly before her death. Bette was a natural leader and an extremely capable person. Her family believes that she was president or chairperson of every organization she chose to join, from her school days to the Greenwich Woman's Club and Garden Club, Greenwich Social Services, Meals on Wheels, U.S.E. and Greenwich Chaplaincy. For the last nineteen years she lived at Putnam Park as one of an energetic band of friends who played canasta, socialized and traveled together, going on day trips, to the Greenwich Symphony and enjoying the Greenwich park concerts in the Summer. Her family includes stepson Peter (Judy) of Greenwich and her grandson Kyle of Encinitas, CA. Her grandsons Michael and Peter have predeceased her; Michael's wife Nancy and great-grandsons Peter and Owen of Ridgefield, Ct.; her six nieces and nephews, Alice Bartha of Colchester, CT., Katie Henault of Worcester, Ma., Paul Pizzo of West Hartford and Jon, Tom and Ted Pizzo of Glastonbury, CT. Bette will also be missed by her fifteen great nieces and nephews. Calling hours will be at Fred D. Knapp and Son, 267 Greenwich Ave., Greenwich, Ct. on Tuesday, Feb.19th from 4:00 to 7:00pm. Mass of Christain Burial will be on Wednesday, February 20th at 10:30 am at St. Mary Church, Greenwich Ave., Greenwich, Ct.
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Graf, Leonore
February 7, 2013
Leonore Graf
February 7, 2013
Obiturary for Leonore A Graf: Leonore (“Lee”) Graf, born Leonore A. Larson, was born in Lincoln, Nebraska on September 19, 1923 and died at the age of 89 years on Thursday, February 7th, 2013 . Lee was raised in the small University town of Peru, Nebraska where both her parents—Albin and Wilhemina--were professors. She had a brother, Frank and a sister, Helen. As did her older sister, Lee eventually made her way as a young, attractive and adventurous Mid-western woman to New York City, where she attended Columbia University’s Teacher’s College for her masters degree in education. Lee, too, was a teacher and it brought her great joy and satisfaction for over 40 years of her life. In 1950, Lee married Robert Graf, an engineer who also attended Columbia University. In 1950, after having lived in Stratford, CT, they settled into a home they built in Easton in 1959 (at 145 Staples Road— a mid-century modern typical of the era) where Lee lived until her passing—for over 53 years--as was always her fondest wish. Up until age 81 yrs, she cleaned out her own gutters and cut the lawn! Lee loved Easton, and living in the woods with nature all around her. She often told her daughters and grandchildren how beautiful it all was. She loved music, too—especially classical. And, she was in love with Andrea Bocelli and Josh Groban. Lee was a beloved mother of three daughters—Judy, Kathy and Joanne. And, she leaves 7 grandchildren, 4 great-grandchildren and her Scottish Terrier, Nessie. Testimony to her sweet and nurturing nature is the fact during her 25 years as a teacher at Joel Barlow High School, her students referred to her as “Mother Graf,” and sought her out for advice. She touched many young lives deeply-- she greatly enjoyed teaching, and loved her students very much. Finally, Lee loved animals, particularly dogs and was a member of both the Humane Society and the ASPCA. In her honor, her daughters have established a Kindred Spirits memorial account at www.humanesociety.org. The Kindred Spirits, Humane Society donation can also be sent to her daughter Judy Larson, 97 Dan’s Highway, New Canaan, CT 06840 and she will forward it on to them.
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Clarke, Richard
February 2, 2013
Richard Clarke
February 2, 2013
Richard E. Clarke, 71, of Greenwich, CT passed away on Saturday, February 2, 2013 at Greenwich Hospital surrounded by his daughters. Rich was born on Governors Island, NY on February 13, 1941. Rich retired from ADP after working many years in the Hardware Group and was a soldier in the Marines in his younger days. He had a love of the beach and spent most summers visiting Todd’s Point and Island Beach. He was an avid fan of the N.Y. Giants and the Mets, but loved all sports. He is survived by his eldest daughter Debbie Guarrera (John) from Monroe, NJ and youngest daughter Kelly Clarke of Eatontown, NJ, brother Dennis Clarke(Sissy) of Marlboro, NJ and grandchildren Christopher and Gianna, as well as many loving nieces, nephews and friends that will miss him. He is pre-deceased by mother Lillian Whitfield, father George Clarke and brother Alan Whitfield. The viewing for friends and family will be held Tuesday, February 5 from 5p.m. to 9p.m at the Fred D. Knapp Funeral Home located at 267 Greenwich Avenue, Greenwich, CT 06830. (203)869-0315.
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Scheuritzel, Peter
January 27, 2013
Peter Scheuritzel
January 27, 2013
Frederick Peter Scheuritzel, 86, passed away on Sun. Jan. 27, 2013 surrounded by his family. Peter was a lifelong resident of Greenwich, CT. He was Born in Greenwich hospital on Nov. 28, 1926, the son of Frederick Wilhelm and Sophie Nielsen Scheuritzel. Peter attended and graduated from Greenwich High School in 1945. After high school Peter joined the US Navy during World War II. He worked for the New York Telephone Company for 35 years. After retirement Peter was a driver for the American Red Cross and a member of the Retired Men’s Association. Peter was a lifelong parishioner at Christ Episcopal Church in Greenwich including the boys choir, usher and volunteer. Peter was an avid hunter and fisherman and loved the outdoors and was a member of the Boys Scouts of America (Troop 10). Peter is predeceased by his wife of 61 years Violet Louise Rice Scheuritzel, who passed away on June 25, 2008 and twin Brother, Charles Paul Scheuritzel, December 11, 2009. Peter is survived by his 5 children Fred P. Jr and wife Patricia of Willington, CT, James Bruce and wife Janet of Haverstraw, NY, Wade Henry and wife Peggy of Palisades, NY, Suzanne Stewart and husband John, of Richmond VA, and Tod William and wife Marie of Turtle Island. He is also survived by 4 Grandchildren Adam, Trevor, Wade and Tell and 4 Great Grandsons and 1 Great Grand Daughter. Friends and Family are invited to visitation hours on Thursday Jan 31, 2013 from 5pm to 8pm at the Fred D. Knapp & Son Funeral home, 267 Greenwich Avenue, Greenwich , CT. A service will be held in Fred’s memory on Friday Feb. 1, 2013, at the Christ Episcopal Church , 254 East Putnam Avenue, Greenwich CT. In lieu of Flowers the family request donations to the Boy Scouts of America Greenwich Chapter, 63 Mason St, Greenwich, CT 06830 and American Red Cross Greenwich Chapter, 99 Indian Field Road Greenwich, CT 06830.
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Leifer, Susan
January 24, 2013
Susan Leifer
January 24, 2013
Susan R. (Donner) Leifer, 71 of Greenwich died Jan. 24, 2013. Beloved wife of Steven J. Leifer. Daughter of the late William and Sara (Portney) Donner. Cherished mother of daughters Sharon G. Leifer and her husband Robert Cicerchia and Andrea J. Leifer and her fiancé Christopher Ferony. Grandmother to Jacob and Ella Cicerchia. A Graveside Service will be held Sun. Jan. 27, 2013 at 11:00 A.M. in Temple Sholom Cemetery, Memory Lane, Greenwich, CT. Donations may be made to the Thyroid Head and Neck Cancer Foundation (THANC) or to Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center.
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Planning a Funeral
Most of us are not prepared to plan and carry out a funeral ceremony for someone we love. And so much of the information available on this critically important subject fails to focus on what is most important: having a personalized, meaningful funeral that helps families and friends begin the healing process of mourning after the death of someone we love.
This section includes information that will help provide insights necessary to help you and your family create a meaningful funeral experience that both honors the life of your loved one and starts you on the path to healing from your loss. Some of the content on these pages is adapted from a website called www.MeaningfulFunerals.com and the teachings of Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a noted grief expert.
To learn more about Dr. Wolfelt, please visit www.centerforloss.com
Our funeral home's dedicated staff wants to help you and can play a critical role in planning and carrying out a meaningful funeral or memorial service. Our licensed funeral directors are intimately familiar with the funeral planning process, key decisions a grieving family must make, and necessary legal documentation that is required during this difficult time. Our funeral professionals can handle all of the details and help you create a unique service that fits your needs and values.
For more information, please select from the links below:
Meaningful Funerals
"You can have the experience and miss the meaning."
- T.S. Elliott
Meaningful Funerals
Meaningful funeral ceremonies make a significant difference in how families channel their grief toward health and healing. During the funeral, the community comes together and responds to the reality that someone has died, and also to the reality that those remaining will need support, compassion, love, hope, and understanding. The funeral encourages you to think about the person who has died and to explore the meaning of their life and the ways in which they touched the lives of others.
The remembering, reflecting and choices that take place in the planning and conducting of the funeral service are often an important part of the process of grief and mourning. And ultimately, this process of contemplation and discovery creates a memorable and moving funeral experience for all who attend.
Why Have a Funeral?
When we experience the death of someone we love, a funeral service fills several important needs. First, it provides for the dignified and respectful care of the person and special tribute to their life. Equally important, the funeral service helps survivors face the reality of death, which is the first big step toward taking grief from the inside and allowing us to express it on the outside through mourning. Together, close friends and relatives can lend support and consolation when they're needed most.
Learn more at MeaningfulFunerals.com
What Makes a Funeral Meaningful?
No matter what kind of funeral ceremony you are planning, it helps to understand the components of a meaningful funeral. Meaningful funerals are made up of different parts that, when combined together, make for an incredibly emotional experience for you, your family and friends.
Meaningful Choices
Helping You and Your Family Create a Meaningful FuneralThis is a naturally difficult time, compounded by the fact that you are faced with many decisions that must be made as you begin to plan the funeral. You may feel overwhelmed by these decisions. When you are able to make informed choices, you are empowered with the important information needed to plan a meaningful funeral.
This is not the time to deny your need to mourn and embrace painful feelings of grief in the coming days. You may feel deep sadness as you plan this funeral and begin to acknowledge the reality that someone who you love has died. But when all is said and done, you will feel deep satisfaction that you helped plan a meaningful tribute or ceremony for someone who meant so much to your own life, and you will be on the path to a healthy grieving process.
Making Informed Funeral Choices
After selecting a funeral home, you and your family will choose the type of funeral service to hold, what will happen to the body and where it will be laid to rest. How a body will be cared for after death is an important decision. Whether you choose burial or cremation, you can use elements of ceremony to honor the life of your loved one and to allow you and your family to say goodbye in a meaningful way.
Key Choices
Key Choices Needed to be Made for a Meaningful Funeral As you begin to think about the funeral and the many options you have, you may be faced with the conflict of honoring the wishes of the person who died as well as your own wishes as survivors. While it is natural to want to meet the requests of the person who died, do consider changes that will be helpful to you, your family and friends. Begin a Family ConversationIt is often helpful to have a family conversation before going to see a funeral director. This can be a time for expressing your grief together as well as a time for some initial decision-making. Try as best you can to include everyone in the discussion. No one should feel left out.
The Arrangement ConferenceYou may have already scheduled a time to meet with your funeral director to help you plan the funeral. This meeting is called the “arrangement conference.” During the arrangement conference, the funeral director will explain all of the choices available to you and your family, help you make decisions to create your unique funeral, and gather important information about the person who died to complete necessary documents. Above all else, the funeral director will assist you in both arranging for and carrying out a meaningful funeral.
What Kind of Funeral Service Will You Have?You can choose from a variety of funeral service types and formats. Some people think funerals must conform to traditional ways, but there is no one right way to have a funeral. Just as grief has many dimensions and is experienced in different ways by different people, funerals are also unique. A funeral should simply be fitting for the person who died and the family and friends who survive them. This is an opportunity to be creative and to share an honest expression of your most heartfelt values. There are no rigid rules that need to be followed, but there are guidelines that can help you if you are unsure how you might proceed.
Burial Considerations
Planning a meaningful funeral for a loved one is a ritual that almost all of us will encounter at some point in our lives. As you consider the various aspects of a funeral where burial is the final disposition, there are several elements that you can and will need to select in order to create a touching tribute for your loved one. These things will also provide comfort to those who are living as you pay your final respects.
Service and Ceremony
Service and CeremonyChoosing Burial
Planning a meaningful funeral for a loved one is a ritual that almost all of us will encounter at some point in our lives. As you consider the various aspects of a funeral where burial is the final disposition, there are several elements that you can and will need to select in order to create a touching tribute for your loved one. These things will also provide comfort to those who are living as you pay your final respects.
The Burial Committal ServiceWhen burial is chosen, the graveside ceremony is the final opportunity to say goodbye. Accompanying a body to its final resting place and saying a few last words brings a necessary feeling of closure to the funeral process. Families are often deeply touched by this ceremony, and its memory resonates for years. A meaningful committal service not only helps us acknowledge the reality and finality of the death, it also symbolizes the separation that the death has created. It is an essential ingredient of a meaningful funeral experience.
Direct BurialA direct burial is when there is no funeral service, but instead simply final disposition of the body by the funeral home.
A word from Dr. Alan Wolfelt
If you are considering direct burial, I plead with you to reconsider. Honoring the life and death of the person who died with some sort of ceremony - no matter how brief, how small or how informal - will help your family acknowledge the reality of the death and begin to heal. When no ceremony is held, it is as if the life and death of the person who died had no significance to anyone. Also keep in mind that you may still hold a committal service at the gravesite should you choose direct burial.
Think carefully about the many options available to you and your family. Slow down and plan. It is through planning that a meaningful funeral experience is created. And do remember that funeral directors, clergy, celebrants and close friends who have done these things before can all be valuable resources to you. You are not alone!
Burial Products and Personalization
Burial Products and PersonalizationCaskets
Casket Choices
The casket typically becomes the visual and emotional focal point of the funeral service, and just as important, serves as the final resting place for your loved one. The casket you choose can be more than just a burial vessel - it can become a touching reminder of all that made your loved one special. When selecting a casket, the first decision is typically the casket material - wood or metal.
The casket material chosen is often selected because it reflects the personality of your loved one. Wood is traditionally valued for its warmth and natural beauty, while metal is treasured for its strength, durability and elegance. Various factors impact the value of the finished product, including the species of wood or type of metal. Additional considerations include the design of the casket such as shape, color, interior fabric and hardware. Each of these can make a statement about the beloved individual, as can the features that allow you to create personal tributes to your loved one. These choices affect the overall appearance of the casket, as well as its value.
Metal Caskets
Metal CasketsMetal caskets, including those made from bronze, copper, stainless steel and steel, are known for their unique finishes. Bronze and copper are among the most durable and beautiful of metals; both are naturally non-rusting. Stainless and carbon steel caskets come in a variety of grades, gauges, styles and finishes. Many metal caskets contain features that help resist the entrance of outside elements.
Bronze & Copper CasketsBronze and Copper caskets combine quality construction and beautiful finishes. Many families choose these materials because they are superior to all other casket materials in strength, durability and naturally non-rusting qualities. Tools, ornaments and other artifacts from these materials can be seen in museums dating back as far as 5,000 years. A wide variety of styles, colors and features in bronze and copper are available, allowing you to select a casket that is suited to individual preferences.
Stainless SteelStainless steel is known for its quality and longevity, making it a valued material for casket construction. It is available in different grades, which are determined by the amount of chromium and nickel content — the higher the content, the higher the quality and strength of the steel and its corrosion-resistant qualities.
Carbon SteelCarbon steel caskets are available in multiple grades, for example (from thickest to thinnest): 16 gauge, 18 gauge and 20 gauge. While not as durable or resistant to corrosion as stainless steel, copper or bronze, a wide selection of colors, finishes and personalization features make these caskets an attractive choice.
Wood Caskets
Wood CasketsHardwood caskets include a variety of species: mahogany, walnut, cherry, sycamore, maple, oak, pecan, select hardwood and pine. Families who choose these caskets appreciate the qualities of natural wood. The warmth, beauty and personality it brings to fine furniture is also well suited for the construction of caskets. Some wood caskets are manufactured from solid specie wood, and others are constructed with high-quality veneers.
MahoganyMahogany is used extensively for high-grade furniture and cabinetry. It has a well-earned reputation because of its attractive grain pattern and beautiful natural luster.
WalnutConsidered a wood of beauty, walnut boasts a striking grain color and pattern. Walnut is warm and inviting, dignified and elegant, and engenders a pride of ownership. Having a natural lustrous patina, walnut is also known for its strength and durability.
CherryCherry is one of the most popular hardwoods. Because of its strength and stability, cherry is often used for burial caskets, paneling and gun stocks. Its rich, warm look and creamy, reddish color make it attractive.
MapleMaple is valued for its strength, wear resistance and beauty, making it a popular choice for flooring, especially for heavily trafficked areas such as a ballroom. But it's also a popular material used in making caskets. Maple is evenly textured with a natural luster. While the grain is usually straight, it can also be wavy or curly.
PecanPrized for the delicious pecan nut, pecan trees also produce a strong and heavy hardwood. Pecan is light in color and is often found in the construction of beautiful furniture and architectural paneling.
OakOak is a popular furniture and flooring favorite. This durable wood is used for doors, paneling, home furnishings and caskets. Oak has a prominent grain pattern that can be either tight or coarse, depending on the species.
PinePine has been popular since colonial times. There are nearly 100 species of pine, ranging in color from pale yellow to light brown. Though not technically classified as a “hardwood,” it is considered to be a durable wood, usually straight grained with an even texture.
HardwoodHardwood is a cost effective, yet attractive, solid wood product made from select wood species including poplar and cottonwood.
VeneerVeneering has been a standard in the fine furniture industry for more than 50 years. Veneered wood caskets incorporate quality craftsmanship with premium wood veneers and engineered wood composites that create a look and finish of warmth and beauty that many families are drawn to with solid wood caskets.
Personalize with Burial Casket Features
Specially designed features are available with many caskets today, and serve as another visual way to create an impactful and emotional expression during the service. There are numerous features and flexible ways to personalize a casket that reflect the personality and interests of your loved one. One such feature incorporates artistic designs that can pay tribute to an individual's life of service, passions and interests. These designs can be attached to the corners of many different types of caskets. Another unique feature available on select caskets is a special drawer where you can display cherished mementos during the service and place private farewell messages that can then remain in the casket with your loved one at their final resting place.
Several unique panel designs for the lid of the casket are also available, and each one offers its own dignified approach to serve as a special place and focal point for families to recall a life story and highlight the personal facets that made their loved one special. There are select caskets with panels that allow you to display artistically crafted medallions that can serve as a visual eulogy, allowing you to highlight the most meaningful roles and relationships of your loved one's life.
Some caskets include a pleated panel that enables you to display cherished photos and personal mementos near your loved one. Insertable panels are also available that include embroidered designs with tributes focused on relationships, service, passions and interests. In some cases, you can design or customize your own embroidered panel if standard offerings do not deliver that final personal touch. Some of the same embroidery designs can also be applied to other casket interiors, such as the casket overthrow or pillow.
Burial Casket Features that Encourage RemembranceMany of the designs and features used with the casket can also serve as personal memorial keepsakes, such as the medallions or corner designs. In order to allow healing to begin, it's important to accept that the everyday relationship with the loved one has moved from physical reality to memory. Many people find it helpful to have tangible reminders of their loved one, including items and symbols that relate to the final celebration of life. Keepsakes of various types, such as medallions, can also be engraved with the loved one's name and dates, or special designs that create even more meaningful and touching remembrances for current and future generations.
Ask your funeral director for more information on what is available to help personalize and encourage remembrance during the funeral of your loved one. They can guide you through the selection process and help you make informed choices.
Remembrance JewelryDesigned to hold a lock of hair, flower petals, earth from the gravesite or a small portion of cremated remains, keepsake jewelry is a unique way to hold a loved one close with a fashionable and lasting remembrance.
Burial VaultsBurial Vault Choices
Burial vaults are lined units that enclose the casket when it is placed at the gravesite and are designed to prevent the weight of soil and heavy equipment from damaging the casket. There are no laws that require the use of outer containers, but cemeteries often require their use, as it reduces the chance that soil over the grave will settle and helps with general gravesite maintenance and appearance.
Burial vaults are available in a variety of materials including metal, concrete and composite materials.
Unlined Outer Burial ContainerUnlined outer burial containers, or grave liners, are usually constructed of wood or concrete and may improve the appearance of the grave. These products provide a barrier that keeps soil and debris away from the casket during the closing of the grave. Some grave liners also provide structural protection from the weight of soil and heavy equipment. As these products are unlined, they provide no protection to the casket from soil and/or water making their way past the outer container unit.
Metal VaultMetal vaults are available in a variety of materials, including bronze, copper, stainless steel, galvanized and aluminum. These two-piece enclosures offer protection from the weight of soil and cemetery equipment, as well as keep the elements away from the casket. Some metal vaults feature beautiful ornamental details and can be personalized to honor your loved one.
Concrete VaultConcrete vaults are outer closures that provide structural protection from the weight of soil and heavy equipment and offer additional protection from soil reaching the casket. Concrete vaults are available in many styles including undecorated concrete finishes, metal wrapped tops and interiors, and simulated wood grain or natural stone finishes. Concrete vaults can typically weigh more than 2,000 pounds and can require additional costs for transport and placement.
Polymer VaultBurial vaults constructed of non-porous polyethylene and polypropylene material provide the benefits of being lightweight, impact-resistant and water-resistant. Polymer vaults can be constructed in multiple layers for added strength and durability. Their ease of handling also reduces cemetery labor costs and the need for heavy equipment during transportation and gravesite placement. Vault styles are available that can be personalized to help honor your loved one.
The Living Memorial ProgramBatesville's Living Memorial® Program is a unique and special way to honor the memory of a loved one. When you select a Batesville® burial product or an Options® cremation product, arrangements are made for a tree seedling to be planted as a living tribute - at no additional cost to you.
Seedlings are planted in national forests in cooperation with the U.S. Forest Service, The Canadian Forestry Association, The Grand River Conservation Foundation, and other international organizations to re-establish woodlands destroyed by forest fires, blight and other natural disasters. You will receive a special letter that verifies a tree has been planted where the need is greatest.
Cemetery Space, Monuments and Grave Markers
Cemetery Space, Monuments and Grave MarkersCemetery Space
Perhaps your family already owns a cemetery plot where the person who has died will be buried. If not, maybe you've noticed a nice local cemetery. Your funeral director will know which cemeteries are nearby and can help you purchase cemetery plots appropriate for your needs.
Traditionally, families have chosen to bury their loved ones in a cemetery. Entombment, which is the placement of the casketed body in an above-ground structure called a mausoleum, also takes place at a cemetery. When a casket is entombed, it is placed in an enclosure (called a crypt), and the front is usually sealed and faced with either marble or granite.
Many families choose burial or entombment at a nearby cemetery because it allows them to visit the gravesite as often as they like. This helps them continue to feel close to the person who died, while still acknowledging the death.
Because so many aspects should be considered when purchasing a cemetery plot, you may want to consider discussing the options in advance. Questions you may want to consider include:
- Does the plot meet my religious requirements?
- Are there any restrictions I need to consider based on the type of monument or burial vault?
- Does the plot include perpetual care and maintenance?
- Are plots available in the same location to provide for burial of the entire family?
Also called headstones, grave markers are used in cemeteries to memorialize and identify the gravesite of the person who has died. You may want to personalize the grave marker by including a poem, a drawing or a short phrase that defines the person who died.
Monuments and grave markers are available in a variety of materials, including natural stone, concrete and bronze. Styles can range from very simple to ornate, as single markers or companion monuments.
Sharing Memories
Sharing MemeoriesMemorial Websites
When someone we love dies, we often feel the need to share their story and the story of our loss with family, friends and our extended communities. A recent trend has been to memorialize loved ones by creating a website that honors their memory and mourns the loss.
The website can be created to house online video tributes and even guestbook memories collected at the funeral from family and friends. Some funeral homes offer this as a service, or you may be technologically savvy enough to build your own. Your imagination is your only limit to sharing memories and honoring your loved one.
Keepsake BooksFriends and relatives often share memories, stories, photos and condolences in guest books, both at the funeral and on the funeral home's website. At the funeral, invite people to write down a memory of the person who died. Ask children if they would like to write a letter or draw a picture for the person. Their “goodbyes” can then be saved for the keepsake book or even placed in the casket alongside the body. Many funeral homes offer keepsake book publishing services that collect and document these important memories.
Video TributesA video tribute is a unique way to personalize a memorial service - giving you and your family the opportunity to pause and reflect on the life of the person you knew and love. These touching montages can consist of music, photos, memorabilia, or newspaper articles that take viewers through the life of the person who has died.
Your video tribute can be played during the funeral service, during a visitation, or at any other time you and your funeral service professional decide upon. Many funeral homes can also post your video tribute to their website so that others can view it at any time. Tributes can also be made into DVDs or saved electronically for your family to keep. Your funeral home may offer this service or can recommend a local vendor who specializes in this area.
Cremation Considerations
When choosing cremation, it is important not only to capture the memories and celebrate the spirit of your loved one, but also to provide healing through gathering together, paying tribute and celebrating a life well lived.
Keep in mind that cremation does not limit your ability to spend time with the body of your loved one or hold a meaningful ceremony. You may have a visitation period and a funeral service prior to the cremation. Or your family may spend time privately with the body before cremation, followed by a public ceremony a day or two later with the urn present. You may want to consider keeping your loved one's body present for the funeral ceremony as it often encourages more expressions of grief and authentic mourning.
What Happens During Cremation
Cremation is another form of disposition or handling a body after death. However, many people don't know what happens during cremation.
Cremation takes place in a carefully maintained facility known as a crematory or crematorium. The funeral home may or may not have its own crematory on site, but your funeral director can take care of all arrangements either way.
Within the crematory is a special cremation chamber. The body is placed in a cremation container or casket and positioned inside the cremation chamber. Once the container or casket is in the cremation chamber, the door is tightly sealed. The operator then turns on gas jets, which create intense heat that reduces the body to bone fragments. This process takes approximately 2-3 hours.
After the cremation, the remains are collected and processed to the consistency of sand or a finer ash. The white or grayish remains, often called cremated remains at this stage, are then sealed in a transparent plastic bag along with an identification tag. The bag weighs about 5 lbs. and will often be returned to the family in a selected urn, which can then be buried, placed in a niche inside a columbarium, taken home or transported for scattering. Additionally, the cremated remains can be separated and placed into multiple urns, keepsakes or even jewelry specifically designed as a final resting place.
Cremation is a respectful, dignified process chosen by many families. However, some faiths discourage or prohibit cremation. If you plan to hold a religious funeral ceremony or have the remains buried in a church cemetery, check in advance to make sure there are no issues.
Service and Ceremony
Choosing CremationThis journey marks a new beginning; now is the most important time to come together and recount the fond memories that tell the story of your loved one. A variety of choices are available to create a loving memorial, bringing together family and friends for a final goodbye. Meaningful ceremonies with personalized memorials can be as unique as the loved one being remembered
When choosing cremation, the ceremony is a way to inform the community of a loved one's passing, tell their story and celebrate their life. A ceremony is most meaningful when it reflects your loved one's relationships, interests, and the moments you shared. Memorializing your loved one when choosing cremation may include one or any combination of the following options.
ConventionalFriends and family gather for a tribute prior to cremation, often with the decedent present, which draws support and allows family and friends to say goodbye.
MemorialThis gathering of friends and family following cremation often features the memorial urn as the ceremony's centerpiece and allows family and friends to recall memories and support one another.
PrivateA small gathering and informal family farewell takes place in a private setting and offers the chance to say goodbye, allowing family and friends to recall memories and support one another.
Direct CremationA direct cremation is when there is no funeral service or memorial service, but instead simply final disposition of the body by the funeral home or memorial society.
A word from Dr. Alan Wolfelt
If you are considering direct cremation, I plead with you to reconsider. Honoring the life and death of the person who died with some sort of ceremony - no matter how brief, how small or how informal - will help your family acknowledge the reality of the death and begin to heal. When no ceremony is held, it is as if the life and death of the person who died had no significance to anyone. Also keep in mind that you may still hold a committal service at the gravesite or crematory should you choose direct cremation.
Think carefully about the many options available to you and your family. Slow down and plan. It is through planning that a meaningful funeral experience is created. And do remember that funeral directors, clergy, celebrants and close friends who have done these things before can all be valuable resources to you. You are not alone!
Cremation Caskets and Containers
The selection of a cremation casket is just as important as the selection of the ceremony and will complement the tribute designed for the one being remembered. Before cremation, during the ceremony, and at the time of cremation, the casket or container is the resting place that gives dignity to your loved one. It may also be where you will see your loved one for the last time.
Cremation CasketCremation caskets are made of wood and available in a wide variety of styles that are suitable for services with a visitation, viewing or a gathering held prior to the cremation. The warmth, beauty and personality wood brings to fine furniture is well suited for the construction of caskets. Depending on your selection, cremation caskets can be personalized to fit your needs with accessories like custom tribute panels or custom embroidered interiors.
Wood Selections for Cremation Caskets
Hardwood caskets include a variety of species: mahogany, walnut, cherry, sycamore, maple, oak, pecan, select hardwood and pine. Families who choose these caskets appreciate the qualities of natural wood. The warmth, beauty and personality it brings to fine furniture is also well suited for the construction of caskets. Some wood caskets are manufactured from solid specie wood, and others are constructed with high-quality veneers.
MahoganyMahogany is used extensively for high-grade furniture and cabinetry. It has a well-earned reputation because of its attractive grain pattern and beautiful natural luster.
WalnutConsidered a wood of beauty, walnut boasts a striking grain color and pattern. Walnut is warm and inviting, dignified and elegant, and engenders a pride of ownership. Having a natural lustrous patina, walnut is also known for its strength and durability.
CherryCherry is one of the most popular hardwoods. Because of its strength and stability, cherry is often used for burial caskets, paneling and gun stocks. Its rich, warm look and creamy, reddish color make it attractive.
MapleMaple is valued for its strength, wear resistance and beauty, making it a popular choice for flooring, especially for heavily trafficked areas such as a ballroom. But it's also a popular material used in making caskets. Maple is evenly textured with a natural luster. While the grain is usually straight, it can also be wavy or curly.
PecanPrized for the delicious pecan nut, pecan trees also produce a strong and heavy hardwood. Pecan is light in color and is often found in the construction of beautiful furniture and architectural paneling.
OakOak is a popular furniture and flooring favorite. This durable wood is used for doors, paneling, home furnishings and caskets. Oak has a prominent grain pattern that can be either tight or coarse, depending on the species.
PinePine has been popular since colonial times. There are nearly 100 species of pine, ranging in color from pale yellow to light brown. Though not technically classified as a “hardwood,” it is considered to be a durable wood, usually straight grained with an even texture.
HardwoodHardwood is a cost effective, yet attractive, solid wood product made from select wood species including poplar and cottonwood.
VeneerVeneering has been a standard in the fine furniture industry for more than 50 years. Veneered wood caskets incorporate quality craftsmanship with premium wood veneers and engineered wood composites that create a look and finish of warmth and beauty that many families are drawn to with solid wood caskets.
In recent years, casket manufacturers have addressed the need for larger-sized caskets. Available in many of the same materials, colors, finishes and designs as in traditional-sized caskets, oversize caskets offer a more comfortable fit for your loved one when required.
Cremation ContainersCremation containers are made from both composite and solid wood components and are fully combustible. These are most appropriate when a private viewing has been scheduled.
Memorial Urns
Memorial Urn ChoicesThe urn or personalized memorial will become the final resting place for your loved one. The selection of the urn typically complements the final placement, whether buried in a cemetery, placed in a niche, or placed as a treasured touchstone in the home or garden. It can also become an ideal medium to facilitate ceremonial scattering. The urn or personal memorial you select will provide dignity, respect and a lasting tribute.
Final Placement ChoicesUrns are available in a wide variety of styles and materials. What's right for you will depend on your choice of final placement as well as personal tastes.
Burial
With the growing number of cremations, more families are choosing to bury the cremated remains of their loved ones as a way to provide a permanent place for future visitation. Many families choose burial or entombment at a nearby cemetery because it allows them to visit the gravesite as often as they like. This helps them continue to feel close to the person who died, while still acknowledging the death. Your funeral director will know which cemeteries are nearby and would best meet your needs. He or she can help you purchase cemetery plots appropriate to your needs.
Monuments and Grave MarkersAlso called headstones, grave markers are used in cemeteries to memorialize and identify the gravesite of the person who has died. To personalize the funeral service, you may want to personalize the grave marker. You can include a poem, a drawing or a short phrase that defines the person who died.
Monuments and grave markers are available in a variety of materials, including natural stone, concrete and bronze. Styles can range from very simple to very ornate, as single markers or companion monuments.
Cemetery PlotsCemetery Burial
Perhaps your family already owns a cemetery plot where the person who has died will be buried. If not, maybe you've noticed a nice local cemetery. Your funeral director will know which cemeteries are nearby and can help you purchase cemetery plots appropriate for your needs.
Traditionally, families have chosen to bury their loved ones in a cemetery. Entombment, which is the placement of the casketed body in an above-ground structure called a mausoleum, also takes place at a cemetery. When a casket is entombed, it is placed in an enclosure (called a crypt), and the front is usually sealed and faced with either marble or granite.
Many families choose burial or entombment at a nearby cemetery because it allows them to visit the gravesite as often as they like. This helps them continue to feel close to the person who died, while still acknowledging the death.
Because so many aspects should be considered when purchasing a cemetery plot, you may want to consider discussing the options in advance. Questions you may want to consider include:
- Does the plot meet my religious requirements?
- Are there any restrictions I need to consider based on the type of monument or burial vault?
- Does the plot include perpetual care and maintenance?
- Are plots available in the same location to provide for burial of the entire family?
Niche
A niche is a recessed compartment typically found in a columbarium or mausoleum to hold an urn. The niche may be open-front, protected by glass (this option allows viewing of the urn), or closed-front, faced with bronze, marble or granite. Generally, the urn containing the cremated remains is placed inside the niche and the front is sealed. Many urn styles can be placed in a niche.
Ceremonial Scattering
Complete or ceremonial scattering is a symbolic release of your loved one back into the world. This can be done in a variety of ways. Biodegradable urns made of unbleached pressed cotton can facilitate underground or water scattering. Some urns are designed for ceremonial scattering and are therefore lightweight, easy to open and safe to hold at multiple angles.
Home Display
You may want to memorialize your loved one in your home after cremation. Many urn styles provide a touching and discreet way to hold the memory of your loved one close. Urns are available in natural stone like marble, a variety of metals such as bronze and copper, and beautiful wood finishes like oak, cherry or mahogany. Cast acrylic and cast bronze statuary art urns are also available in a variety of styles. Products for memorials in the garden or landscape, including wind chimes, birdbaths and sundials, are also an option.
Personalizing and Customizing the Memorial
To add a heartfelt and individual touch, your loved one's personalized life story message can be applied throughout the ceremony or gathering, as well as to the container, memorial urn and keepsakes you choose. Smaller urns, keepsakes, and remembrance jewelry can be given to family members and close friends.
Urn Vaults
The urn or personalized memorial will become the final resting place for your loved one. The selection of the urn typically complements the final placement, whether buried in a cemetery, placed in a niche, or placed as a treasured touchstone in the home or garden. It can also become an ideal medium to facilitate ceremonial scattering. The urn or personal memorial you select will provide dignity, respect and a lasting tribute.
Urn vaults are lined units that enclose the urn when it is placed at the gravesite. They are designed to prevent the weight of soil and heavy equipment from damaging the urn and environmental protection. There are no laws that require the use of urn vaults, but cemeteries often require their use as they prevent the grave from settling and help with general gravesite maintenance and appearance.
Urn vaults are available in a variety of materials, including cultured granite, metal, concrete and composite materials or a combination of materials. Urn vault options also include a large selection of interiors, including smooth or textured finishes as well as fabric choices. Urn vault styles are available that can be personalized to help honor your loved one.
Sharing Memories
Memorial WebsitesWhen someone we love dies, we often feel the need to share their story and the story of our loss with family, friends and our extended communities. A recent trend has been to memorialize loved ones by creating a website that honors their memory and mourns the loss.
The website can be created to house online video tributes and even guestbook memories collected at the funeral from family and friends. Some funeral homes offer this as a service, or you may be technologically savvy enough to build your own. Your imagination is your only limit to sharing memories and honoring your loved one.
Keepsake BooksFriends and relatives often share memories, stories, photos and condolences in guest books, both at the funeral and on the funeral home's website. At the funeral, invite people to write down a memory of the person who died. Ask children if they would like to write a letter or draw a picture for the person. Their “goodbyes” can then be saved for the keepsake book or even placed in the casket alongside the body. Many funeral homes offer keepsake book publishing services that collect and document these important memories.
Video TributesA video tribute is a unique way to personalize a memorial service - giving you and your family the opportunity to pause and reflect on the life of the person you knew and love. These touching montages can consist of music, photos, memorabilia, or newspaper articles that take viewers through the life of the person who has died.
Your video tribute can be played during the funeral service, during a visitation, or at any other time you and your funeral service professional decide upon. Many funeral homes can also post your video tribute to their website so that others can view it at any time. Tributes can also be made into DVDs or saved electronically for your family to keep. Your funeral home may offer this service or can recommend a local vendor who specializes in this area.
Keepsakes & Remembrance Jewelry
Keepsake urns are smaller versions of full size urns and are manufactured to hold a small portion of cremated remains, a lock of hair or ceremonial flowers. Keepsake urns allow you to share your loved one's cremated remains with family and close friends.
Designed to hold a small portion of cremated remains, a lock of hair, flower petals, or earth from the gravesite, keepsake jewelry is a unique and elegant way to hold a loved one close with a fashionable and lasting remembrance. Available in men's and women's styles, consider selecting a matching piece for family members or friends to share a special and lasting bond.
Living Memorial
Batesville's Living Memorial® Program is a unique and special way to honor the memory of a loved one. When you select a Batesville® burial product or an Options® cremation product, arrangements are made for a tree seedling to be planted as a living tribute - at no additional cost to you.
Seedlings are planted in national forests in cooperation with the U.S. Forest Service, The Canadian Forestry Association, The Grand River Conservation Foundation, and other international organizations to re-establish woodlands destroyed by forest fires, blight and other natural disasters. You will receive a special letter that verifies a tree has been planted where the need is greatest.
Guides and Resources
When a loved one dies, grieving family members and friends are often confronted with dozens of decisions about the funeral.
This section is designed to give you an overview of frequently asked questions as well as provide additional support, grief resources and other important information that may help you at this difficult time.
FAQs to Planning a Meaningful Funeral
FAQs to Planning a Meaningful FuneralAs you and your family begin the funeral planning process, a number of questions will surface that you will need further insight on in order to make nformed decisions. Below please find a number of frequently asked questions and clarifications on misconceptions of funerals that may help you as you plan a meaningful funeral to honor the unique life of your loved one.
Why do I need to plan a funeral for my loved one?One of the most important reasons for planning a meaningful funeral is that it helps you and your family focus your thoughts and feelings on something positive. The funeral encourages you to think about the person who died and explore the meaning of their life and the ways in which they touched the lives of others.
The remembering, reflecting and choices that take place in the planning and conducting of the funeral service are often an important part of the process of grief and mourning. And ultimately, this process of contemplation and discovery creates a memorable and moving funeral experience for all who attend.
What makes a funeral meaningful?Meaningful funerals are made up of different parts (music, readings, visitation/reception, eulogy/remembrance memories, symbols, procession, committal service and gathering) that, when combined, make for an incredibly meaningful experience for you, your family and friends. Even among different faiths and cultures, funeral ceremonies throughout North America often include many of the same elements. Your faith or culture may have its own variations on these elements and you should be encouraged to follow them as you see fit.
Who should I turn to for help to plan a meaningful funeral?The funeral home and its staff play a critical role in the planning and conducting of a meaningful funeral. They are the people with the training and expertise you will rely on in the days leading up to the funeral. Their advice, compassion, attention to detail and willingness to personalize the ceremony will greatly influence your funeral experience.
What kind of funeral service should I have?You can choose from a variety of funeral service types and formats. Some people think that funerals must conform to traditional ways, but there is no one right way to have a funeral. Just as grief has many dimensions and is experienced in different ways by different people, funerals are also unique. A funeral should simply be fitting for the person who died and the family and friends who survive. This is an opportunity to be creative and to share an honest expression of your most heartfelt values. There are no rigid rules that need to be followed, but there are guidelines that can help you if you are unsure how you might proceed.
How do I ensure the funeral is personalized?The funeral service you plan should be as special as the life you will be remembering. Here are a few ideas:
- Write a personalized obituary.
- Create a column in the guest book for people to jot down a memory after they sign their name.
- Display personal items and hobby items on a table at the visitation.
- Show a DVD or slide show of the person's life during the funeral.
- Select flowers that were meaningful to the person who died.
- Use a lot of music, especially if music was meaningful to the person who died or means something to your family.
- At the funeral, invite people to write down a memory of the person who died. Appoint someone to gather and read the memories aloud.
- Create a personalized grave marker.
Your family must choose not only the type of funeral service to hold but also what will happen to the body and where it will be laid to rest.
Embalming is how the funeral home temporarily preserves the body of the person who died so it can be viewed by the family. Embalming also allows a number of days to elapse before burial and cremation, thus giving family and friends time to prepare and gather for the funeral.
The body of the person who died is the most important symbol to include in the funeral service. Whether present in an open or unopened casket, the body serves as the emotional focus for mourners and helps them acknowledge and embrace their pain. When a body or cremated remains are buried or scattered, there is a “place” for families to go when they want to feel close to their loved one.
Families who have spent time with the body have said it has helped them come to terms with the death and begin to transition from life before the death to life after the death. Although it can be emotionally painful, time spent with the body is often helpful to many people.
If my loved one is being cremated, what happens during cremation?Cremation is another form of disposition or handling a body after death. However, many people don't know what happens during cremation.
Cremation takes place in a carefully maintained facility known as a crematory or crematorium. The funeral home may or may not have its own crematory on site, but your funeral director can take care of all arrangements either way.
Within the crematory is a special cremation chamber. The body is placed in a cremation container or casket and positioned inside the cremation chamber. Once the container or casket is in the cremation chamber, the door is tightly sealed. The operator then turns on gas jets, which create intense heat that reduces the body to bone fragments. This process takes approximately 2-3 hours.
After the cremation, the remains are collected and processed to the consistency of sand or a finer ash. The white or grayish remains, often called cremated remains at this stage, are then sealed in a transparent plastic bag along with an identification tag. The bag weighs about 5 lbs. and will often be returned to the family in a selected urn, which can then be buried, placed in a niche inside a columbarium, taken home or transported for scattering. Additionally, the cremated remains can be separated and placed into multiple urns, keepsakes or even jewelry specifically designed as a final resting place.
Cremation is a respectful, dignified process chosen by many families. However, some faiths discourage or prohibit cremation. If you plan to hold a religious funeral ceremony or have the remains buried in a church cemetery, check in advance to make sure there are no issues.
Should I involve our children in the funeral?Most of the rituals in our society focus on children. Unfortunately, the funeral ritual, whose purpose is to help mourners begin to heal, is often not seen as a ritual for kids. Too often, children are not included in the funeral because adults want to protect them.
Funerals are painful, but children have the same rights and privileges to participate in them as adults do.
Here are ways to appropriately include children:
- Help explain the funeral to them - Tell children what will happen before, during and after the ceremony. Give as many specifics as they seem interested in hearing.
- If the body will be viewed either at a visitation or at the funeral itself, let the child know this in advance. Explain what the casket and body will look like. If the body is to be cremated, explain what cremation means and what will happen to the cremated remains.
- Find age-appropriate ways for children to take part in the funeral - grieving children feel included when they can share a favorite memory or read a special poem as part of the funeral. Shyer children can participate by lighting a candle or placing something special in the casket (a memento, a drawing, a letter or a photo).
- Understand that children often need to accept their grief in doses, and that outward signs of grief may come and go. It is not unusual, for example, for children to want to roughhouse with their cousins during the visitation or play video games right after the funeral. Respect the child's need to be a child during this extraordinarily difficult time.
Glossary of Funeral Terms
Glossary of Funeral TermsAs the planning begins, you may be introduced to new words and terms that are associated with the funeral planning process. We have provided a quick glossary for your reference.
- Arrangement conference - The meeting with the funeral director in which you discuss your wishes for the funeral and the disposition of the body
- Burial - Also called interment, earth burial at a cemetery is the most traditional method for final disposition of the body
- Celebrant - A person who provides personalized services to a family to create a meaningful ceremony or ritual during a life transition
- Columbarium - An above-ground structure for final disposition of cremated remains
- Committal service - A brief graveside ceremony held with the casket or urn present before it is lowered into the ground
- Cremation - A form of disposition that involves reducing the body through intense heat to cremated remains
- Crypt - An above ground burial site in a mausoleum
- Direct cremation - Cremation without a funeral or memorial service
- Embalming - A method of preserving the body for a number of days following the death, allowing the family to view the body and hold the funeral service on a day that is convenient for out-of-town friends and relatives
- Entombment - Placement of the casket in an above-ground structure called a mausoleum
- Funeral - The ceremony that honors the end of a person's life
- Grave liner - An unlined outer burial container
- Honorarium - The fee typically paid to a clergyperson or celebrant for officiating the funeral ceremony and to musicians or soloists for their contributions
- Mausoleum - A small building in a cemetery that is like a burial plot above the ground
- Niche - One of a number of recesses in the wall of a columbarium where the urn containing cremated remains is placed
- Obituary - A notice in the newspaper that announces the death to the community, summarizes the person's life and invites readers to attend the funeral and/or make memorial contributions in the name of the person who died
- Pallbearers - The people who carry the casket from the ceremony to the hearse and from the hearse to the gravesite
- Urn - A small vase-like container specially designed for holding cremated remains
- Vault - A concrete or metal container into which the casket is placed before burial at a cemetery
- Visitation - A scheduled time for family and friends to see the person who died, perhaps for the final time
Pre-Planning
PreplanningThe Advantages of Planning Ahead
The idea behind planning ahead is simple. One day, a great deal of vital information about you or a loved one will be needed by your family and anyone whose responsibility it is to assist them. Those who plan ahead can be assured that, not only will their personal wishes be fulfilled, but other unnecessary difficulties will be avoided.
Both you and your loved ones can benefit when funeral arrangements are made well ahead of need. It can be beneficial to include your immediate family in those plans, ensuring those left behind are aware of your wishes and able to plan a meaningful funeral that will help them begin their mourning. By discussing plans in advance, you can take all the time necessary to make decisions about cremation or burial, type of ceremony and other funeral elements.
You may want to discuss your thoughts and decisions with your family and a funeral service professional. The Meaningful Funerals Companion Guide can be used to capture your wishes and biographical information in advance. Upon completion, simply store it in a safe place with your other important documents.
Recommended Reading
Recommended ReadingMost of us are not prepared to plan and carry out a funeral ceremony for the death of someone we love. And so much of the information available on this critically important subject fails to focus on what is most important: having a personalized, meaningful funeral that helps families and friends begin mourning after the death of someone they love.
In addition to the information contained in this website, a list of recommended reading is provided below to help you understand your choices and allow you to plan the most meaningful funeral for your loved one.
Dr. Alan Wolfelt- Wolfelt, Alan, Creating Meaningful Funeral Ceremonies: A Guide for Caregivers, Fort Collins, Colorado: Companion Press, 2011
- Wolfelt, Alan,Creating Meaningful Funeral Ceremonies: A Guide for Families, Fort Collins, Colorado: Companion Press, 2011
- Wolfelt, Alan, The Journey through Grief: Reflections on Healing, Fort Collins, Colorado: Companion Press, 1996
- Wolfelt, Alan, Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart, Fort Collins, Colorado: Companion Press, 2003
Other Authors
- Fulghum, Robert, From Beginning to End: The Rituals of Our Lives, New York: Villard Books, 1995
- Long, Thomas G., Accompany Them With Singing: The Christian Funeral, Louisville, Kentucky: Westminster John Knox Press, 2009
- Metrick, S.B., Crossing the Bridge: Creating Ceremonies for Grieving and Healing from Life#8217;s Losses, Berkeley: Celestial Arts, 1994
- Noel, Brook and Pamela Blair, Ph.D., I Wasn#8217;t Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One, Milwaukee: Champion Press, 2008
- York, Sarah, Remembering Well: Rituals for Celebrating Life and Mourning Death, San Francisco: Jossey Bass, 2000
Recommended Links
Someone you loved has died. You are beginning a journey that is often frightening, painful and sometimes lonely. No words, written or spoken, can take away the pain you now feel.
The following organizations are additional sources of information, education and referral that may bring you some comfort and encouragement as you make a commitment to help yourself heal.
Funerals and Related Matters - National Organizations and Support Resources
- International Cemetery, Cremation & Funeral Association - http://www.iccfa.com
- Cremation Association of North America - info@cremationsassociations.org
- International Order of the Golden Rule - info@ogr.org
- National Funeral Directors Association - http://www.nfda.org
- Selected Independent Funeral Homes - http://www.selectedfuneralhomes.org
- Funeral Service Association of Canada - http://www.fsac.ca
National Self-Help Organizations and Support Groups
- AARP, Widowed Person's Services - http://www.aarp.org
Independent branches of this organization can be found by searching online for Widowed Persons Services and the name of your town and state. - American Association of Suicidology - http://suicidology.org
Information and resources; referrals to suicide survivor groups - Center for Loss and Life Transition - http://centerforloss.com
Resources, education and training, and referral for bereaved families; provides certificate program in Death and Grief studies for bereavement professionals - The Compassionate Friends - http://www.compassionatefriends.org
Information and resources for bereaved families who have experienced the death of a child - The Dougy Center - http://www.dougy.org
Information, education, referral and support for children and families; publishes a national directory of support programs for bereaved children - Share - http://nationalshare.org
Pregnancy and infant loss support - Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) - http://www.MADD.org
Education, resources and advocacy for bereaved families - Parents of Murdered Children, Inc - http://www.pomc.com
Information, resources and support for bereaved families - National Hospice and Palliative Care - http://www.nhpco.org
- National Institute of Mental Health Public Inquiries - http://www.nimh.nih.gov
Education and publications for families and professionals
Pre-Planning
Life Choices
Most of us plan ahead in life. We plan for our wedding, our children's education, family vacations, and other significant expected life events. We also plan for the unexpected events of life by purchasing home, auto and medical insurance.Understanding the benefits of pre-planning has prompted many to take the step to pre-plan their own arrangements.
Please call us at 203-869-0315 to set up an appointment to discuss pre-planning with a caring professional.
Why Pre-Plan?
Peace of MindMany who have undergone the emotional strain of arranging a funeral within hours of losing a loved one have made the choice to pre-plan their own funeral. Doing so lifts the burden from their loved ones by relieving decision-making pressure at a time of grief and emotional stress.
Personal Choice
Funeral arrangements are a deeply personal choice. Pre-planning provides you with the time needed to make practical, detailed decisions that reflect your standards, lifestyle, taste and budget. And we assure you and your family that the choices you make will be carried out as planned.
Lower Costs
When you finalize your plan, we can advise you of the total cost. You do not have to set aside funds for your plan, but doing so protects you against escalating funeral costs. By locking in today's funeral costs and ensuring that the necessary funds are set aside, you help relieve yourself of unnecessary future worry and your survivors of an unexpected expense.
Immediate Arrangements
In Time of Need
We understand that making the many decisions which come at a time of loss can be difficult. We offer our support by providing you with options as you consider making immediate arrangements.
Please call us at 203-869-0315 to make arrangements in person with a caring, professional Funeral Director.
Grief Support
Welcome to the Griefwords Online Library
Brought to you by the Center for Loss and Life Transition - Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D., Director
Helping Others with Grief
A friend has experienced the death of someone loved. How can you help? The following articles provide many practical suggestions for helping others with grief:
Helping a Friend in Grief
Helping a Grandparent Who is Grieving
Helping a Grieving Friend in the Workplace
Helping a Suicide Survivor Heal
Helping Your Family When a Member is Dying
Helping Yourself with Grief
Someone you love has died. You are now faced with the difficult, but important, need to mourn. Mourning is the open expression of your thoughts and feelings regarding the death and the person who died. It is an essential part of healing. The following articles provide many practical suggestions to help you move toward healing in your unique grief journey.
Mustering the Courage to Mourn
Love and Grief:
In Communion and Greater Than the Sum of Their Parts
Helping Yourself Heal When Someone Loved Dies
Will I Befriend My Feelings Or Will I Deny, Repress, Or Inhibit Them?
Helping Yourself Heal When Your Spouse Dies
Helping Yourself Heal When Your Child Dies
Helping Yourself Heal When Your Parent Dies
Helping Yourself Heal When a Baby Dies
Helping Yourself Heal During the Holiday Season
For and About Grieving Children and Teenagers
Children and teenagers have special needs following the death of a friend or family member. The following articles provide wonderful insight in helping children and teens understand and express their grief.
How to Talk to the Children and Teens in Your Life About the Newtown, CT Tragedy
Helping Infants and Toddlers Cope with Grief
Helping Children Cope With Grief
Helping Children with Funerals
Helping Teenagers Cope with Grief
Recommended Links
Someone you loved has died. You are beginning a journey that is often frightening, painful and sometimes lonely. No words, written or spoken, can take away the pain you now feel.
The following organizations are additional sources of information, education and referral that may bring you some comfort and encouragement as you make a commitment to help yourself heal.
Funerals and Related Matters - National Organizations and Support Resources
- International Cemetery, Cremation & Funeral Association - http://www.iccfa.com
- Cremation Association of North America - info@cremationsassociations.org
- International Order of the Golden Rule - info@ogr.org
- National Funeral Directors Association - http://www.nfda.org
- Selected Independent Funeral Homes - http://www.selectedfuneralhomes.org
- Funeral Service Association of Canada - http://www.fsac.ca
National Self-Help Organizations and Support Groups
- AARP, Widowed Person's Services - http://www.aarp.org
Independent branches of this organization can be found by searching online for Widowed Persons Services and the name of your town and state. - American Association of Suicidology - http://suicidology.org
Information and resources; referrals to suicide survivor groups - Center for Loss and Life Transition - http://centerforloss.com
Resources, education and training, and referral for bereaved families; provides certificate program in Death and Grief studies for bereavement professionals - The Compassionate Friends - http://www.compassionatefriends.org
Information and resources for bereaved families who have experienced the death of a child - The Dougy Center - http://www.dougy.org
Information, education, referral and support for children and families; publishes a national directory of support programs for bereaved children - Share - http://nationalshare.org
Pregnancy and infant loss support - Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) - http://www.MADD.org
Education, resources and advocacy for bereaved families - Parents of Murdered Children, Inc - http://www.pomc.com
Information, resources and support for bereaved families - National Hospice and Palliative Care - http://www.nhpco.org
- National Institute of Mental Health Public Inquiries - http://www.nimh.nih.gov
Education and publications for families and professionals
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Greenwich, CT 06830
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